A Shift in Perspective, and Body Position…and Weight….and…

When I started my serious fitness journey 3 years ago, I created a scrapbook. Part of it is the teacher in me who wanted the plan, got excited and ran out to buy all the materials to make the plan look pretty… and part of it was because my husband told me (with brutal honesty) that he didn’t think I would follow through. As much as that hurt to hear, I know that based on previous attempts to “get back on track” often faded off after a few weeks, and old routines came back.

So I created a scrapbook which consisted of 4 pages per month:
-Calendar to track daily physical activity
-Calendar to track what I was eating
-Monthly page dedicated to pictures to track my progress (unflattering angles and all)
-A comment page–> This page was the most important. You don’t always have positive workouts. In fact some days you can feel so discouraged that you want to quit. I thought if I was going to be successful, I knew I needed to write about the bad days as well. It would be a lie to only include those amazing days where I felt like I could take on anything. It’s looking back on the days where I felt tired, weak, and saw no results where I can take pride in saying that I pushed through and achieved my goals.

This scrapbook took me from September 2011 until September 2012, and I filled every page. On the comments page, I can remember adding in other accomplishments like “I went up from 10lbs to 15 lbs with my weights today!” Or “Today I bought a pair of shorts that were size Small! or Size 4!” and I would tape in the tag for my own validation. It had never felt so much pride in shopping for clothes, in sizes I had truly convinced myself I could never wear because I am a tall woman.

You can imagine the irony I felt when I went shopping a few weeks ago for a new one-piece bathing suit for lane swims at the community centre.

I’m not a stupid woman… of COURSE my body is going to change, and I’m going to gain weight. I am having a baby. And don’t think I haven’t heard all the comforting words from friends and family:
“Your baby needs to eat, so feed yourself!”
“Don’t be so hard on yourself, you’re having a baby!”
“You’re not getting fat, you’re PREGNANT!”

I still can’t help but laugh at the irony that only a few years ago I was taping new sizes into a scrapbook, and now I’m mortified when I pick up sizes to try them on. AND more overwhelmed, when the “guess” I make, thinking that’s a big enough gap, is either a snug fit or too small.

Oh well, I’ve slowly come to accept this change, and embrace it! I’m growing a human being inside of me. Aside from the SCI-FI component, this is quite possibly the most glorious experience I’ve ever had!

I’m in my third trimester now, and it is blowing me away the changes still occurring in this belly. My little lime is getting much bigger, and quickly!

I have my cousin’s wedding on Saturday, and last week I tried my dress on and it fit. Yesterday, however.. was a different story. Imagine my shock when I tried to put on the dress, and it would no longer zip all the way up. So I took it to the sweetest Nona, who smiled and said it would be an easy fix. Thank goodness for that! Not sure if my cousin would be happy with me walking down the aisle with a jacket on haha.

As these final months creep along, I keep reminding myself that part of the process is change in my body. The shift in my weight transfer, my body alignment, and yes… my sizes. I feel lucky to still be doing what I love. I can still workout, I’m feeling great… I just move slower. And for right now, all that is required of me is to provide a safe and healthy place for my baby to grow.

If that means I have to look a little further down on the rack… then bring it on.

What do you do when you loose your Mojo?

starting over giving up

So, you read these things, get all jacked up and go out in the world ready to kick some serious ass.

But what happens when you begin to loose that momentum? What do you do when you start to loose focus, and it becomes easier to stay inside, to curl up on the couch and watch a movie– when it’s FAR less attractive to get out there and DO something?

That was me. I’m going to be complete honest here. For the last 2 months, Mrskooylovesfitness has slowly become: Mrskooylovestheideaofworkingoutbutishavingahardtimebalancinglifetofullylovefitness.

There. I said it. That’s the first step, right? Isn’t what “they” always say? The first step to change is to admit there is a problem. And I do. It’s not like I’ve been in denial about it. If anything I’ve been downright depressed about it. If you look back in previous posts, it is obvious that my life took some pretty significant changes with regards to life events: first house, steps into career as a teacher, we recently bought a dog :)… etc. I’m not using those as excuses, they are facts. I guess what I’ve been struggling with is how to manage all the change, balance my time to ensure that I fit in EVERYTHING that I love so much!

What I’ve come to realize in the last week that I never really took into consideration is that I have a commute to and from work now. So– not only do I put in extra time in the classroom to DOMINATE as a teacher (and yes, I can confidently say that I work hard to kick ASS in that classroom) but I have about 2 hours (traffic pending) there and back to factor in for driving time!

“Steph. Puh-Leassseeee. 2 hours? you don’t even know how far I have to commute, you don’t have kids, blah blah blah”

I’m sorry. I love you, but I don’t care about other circumstances out there. For me– this adjustment as been hard, and consequently my fitness has been suffering. NOT COOL.

SO.

After having a chat with my dear friend DG, I got a little spark to light that fire back inside me that has been dwindling. Quite honestly, Thursday and Friday I worked the Sh*t out of my body. IT FELT FAN-FREAKING-TASTIC. Granted, I couldn’t move properly all weekend, but I’m so ready to kick it back into high gear tomorrow and for the rest of the week.

Sometimes it takes a conversation with someone you care about to help get that spark back when you’re struggling. Sometimes it’s hitting bottom and noticing something you’d rather not see in the mirror. For me– it wasn’t REALLY about hitting rock bottom. I’m a personal trainer. I know how to train my body, I KNOW what to eat, what not to– for me it was realizing that I’ve been taking a back seat to who I am.. and what I love. I was sitting back and watching other people dominate in life, and playing the “I wish” game.

WTF is that about?

I am NOT an “I wish” kind of woman. I’m an I WILL” woman.

So, I decided that I WILL get off my ass and start back into the routines that my body needs and my mind thrives off of.

F–U sideline Steph. You don’t belong out front, dictating the destructive direction of my fitness life.

I’m bringing back Mrskooylovesfitness, because it’s real and it’s what makes me the best version of me that I can be.

Expect more blogs from me.

I’m back.

17 Quotes to Keep You Going When You Want to Quit

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When I decided to finally step up and get myself back to the athletic woman I knew deep down was inside of me, it was tough. I can remember at times running on the treadmill in my apartment and collapsing in a heap on the floor in tears. I remember feeling defeated, weak, incompetent…etc. You name it, and I had labelled myself some sort of failure.

Finally, I had enough. I really wanted to prove to myself that I COULD do it, and that I was actually going to see something through to the end. (Now, at the time I didn’t realize that once you hit your goals.. the end is indefinite because you’re continually surpassing old goals and creating new ones)

I sat on my laptop and typed out as many words as possible that I could print out to tell myself to keep on going! I printed them out, glued them to a pretty pink background… and literally tacked them onto the wall beside the treadmill.

Every time I wanted to quit, I would yell those quotes out. (I’m sure hubby thought I was nuts) And let me tell you….IT HELPED!

Slowly, but surely I was crying less (hehe), lasting longer on my runs, and lunges & squats didn’t make me want to keel over and die.

You have to get out of your own head when you’re working out. Your mind will quit WAY before your body ever does. If you can retrain your brain to embrace the struggle, and feel pride at your accomplishments…. that old you, the one who was quick to judge & quick to quit, eventually becomes quiet.

I know she’s still in there, waiting for an opportunity to show up in a moment of struggle. But I also know now that I’ve got a LOUDER voice that reminds me where I’ve come from, how strong I REALLY am, and how much I deserve to finish—for my confidence, and for my health!